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Women!
You can't live with them, and yet...they're EVERYWHERE!
September 1999
I love
women. I love everything about women. I love the way they walk,
they way they talk, they way they giggle, and the way they CONFUSE
THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I swear I have never, EVER understood the way
a woman thinks. It just bothers me that women like to group all
men into one category, "Jerks". Sure I'm a jerk, and sure
I'm an obnoxious bastard, but do you really think I'd be even HALF
as interesting if I was nice and civil all the time? If I told you
I can appreciate art and I listen to classical music, would you
believe me? Hell no you wouldn't! Stop lying to yourselves! Stop
lying to me! Cracker ass, white trash, hookers! If you meet a guy
who is sensitive and caring, the first thing you think is, "He's
gay". Well fuck every little bit of that! Now you know why
we act like pricks all the time...so you don't think we're gay!
Men
are simple creatures...really. We require very little to keep us
happy. Give us what the hell we want and we will (in most cases)
give you what you want. (Materialistic bitches) We men only need
the following:
1)
Food (As long as it's hot, we don't care. We've accepted the fact
that you can't cook like our moms, so don't even try)
2)
Sex (Especially oral sex. Wanna keep you man from cheating on you?
Swallow!)
3)
TV (Usually sports, or sport entertainment)
4)
QUIET (Shut the fuck up when Reggie Miller has the ball! I don't
care what your mother told you today...it's REGGIE FUCKING MILLER!)
That's
really the BIG ones. There are some small, petty things that will
be different for each guy, but in general...all guys need only those
4 things. Here are a few of the specific things you may encounter
with you man, but not ALL men:
1)
Don't over analyze us, don't try to figure us out, and don't expect
us to GET THE HINT. We don't get hints...tell us what the hell you
want for your damn birthday, for fuck's sake.
2)
If you think you look fat in that dress...you do. Don't ask us.
3)
If you think some other girl looks better than you...she does. Don't
ask us.
4)
If you think the Knicks have a good chance this year if they stay
healthy...they don't. Nice try though.
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