Licenses
March 21, 2002

We're gonna do a little math today, so if you had a public school ejukashun like I did, you may need to take off your shoes and pants. You'll need every available finger, toe, and, dangling appendage to count on as we might go beyond 10. Imagine if you will 10 normal people, 5 boy types and 5 girl types. This will be our poor representation of the population of the Earth, assuming incorrectly that the male to female ratio is 50/50. Let's also assume that 20% of the population is homosexual, so we then lose 1 boy and 1 girl…but not to each other, that wouldn't make any sense. So now we have 4 xy's and 4 xx's. Of those 8 hairless apes, assume that another 20% are beyond the breeding age, too young to know what to do with a boner, or have no social skills and can't find a date. So we lose 2 more, bring us down to 6 rubes. We pair these folk together, because that's what folks do.

Couple #1 lives in a trailer in Kentucky. They have 17 kids, play "Pull My Finger" and keep score, collect rusty pick-up trucks, and enjoy stealing road signs. She spends all day watching Jerry Springer, while he is outside in the shed drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and jerking off while reading Guns and Ammo magazine. Neither of them has had an honest paying job for more than 14 seconds, their main source of income being the government. If you added their IQ's together, you might have enough to Super Size your Value Meal. These are Mr. and Mrs. Dreg. Yes, these are the Dregs of humanity. (Like that? I thought of that myself.)

Couple #2 lives in suburbia and has 2.4 kids. They drive a mini-van to take the kids to soccer practice. They both work and the kids are doing decent in school. The kids might have a chance at being normal adults because their parents aren't retards. The kids get all their vitamins and 3 square meals a day. They go to school everyday and manage to bring home report cards that don't sound like a tired going flat. (Ffffffffff. Get it?) There really is nothing interesting about this family…in fact they are quite fucking boring. Meet Mr. and Mrs. Average.

Couple #3 lives just above the poverty level. They are smart, but since intellect is based squarely on a $30,000 piece of paper you get after drinking beer and trading social diseases for 4 years, no one knows this about them. They have no kids, nor do they plan to have kids. They are responsible enough to know they are too irresponsible to raise children. They are happy with their lives, despite sharing the world with Couples #1 and #2. They generally keep to themselves, but occasionally they'll make a website and complain. Meet Mr. and Mrs. Bastard.

You see what's happening here? The Dregs are populating the planet. Only the stupid people are breeding. Understand that I'm not saying you are stupid for having kids, some of my best friends have kids…even my parents had a kid. I'm saying the really fucking dumb people are having all the goddamn kids.

Meanwhile, the Bastards aren't breeding and probably should be just to counteract the damage that the Dregs are doing. Since the Bastards aren't participating in the baby boom at all, and the Average's aren't breeding like rabbits, the next generation is going to be 80% Dregs and 20% Average, because of that booger eating slut Mrs. Dreg. In a few more years, the whole population of the planet will be Dregs.

This, by the way, is part of the reason why yours truly isn't breeding. Bringing a baby into this shitty world is Child Abuse.

Yes, yes, I know. Get to the fucking point. The point is: Licenses.

You have to take a test to get a license to drive. You have to prove to the state that you aren't related to get a license to get married. You must have a license to fish, although I'm not sure why. There should be licenses to breed. You should have to submit to aptitude tests prior to mounting her. She should have to submit to a test to see if she knows which end of the baby gets the diaper and which end gets the bottle.

Also, as a side note, the Dregs shouldn't be getting government assistance. None. All they do is make babies. So in a sense, you can say that the Dregs make babies for the government. If I were running the government, I'd be paying the SMART FUCKERS to have babies. What motivates people more than money? If they keep sending those fooking coonts money to do nothing but grunt out more puppies, do you really think they are going to STOP and go to WORK?

You could even go so far as to say that the Averages and the Bastards are being punished for being responsible. "No hand outs for you lot, you seem to have your shit together. We'll raise your taxes, instead."

Where was I? Ok. Make it so you have to have a license to breed, and give smart people an incentive to make babies. Oh…and birth control. Dregs need BC more than anyone. BC should be free. OH! Here's a thought. Every month, when the Dregs get their check from the government…send the white trash a 36 pack of Trojans! That's one a day and some extra for the weekends. I don't even want to think about those trolls having sex, but if they are getting it more than me, I'll fucking scream. It's not right that Mrs. Bastard and I sometimes will forego sex in order to get a good night of sleep because we HAVE TO GO TO WORK, and the Dregs can fuck and fuck and fuck and fuck and fuck some more because they have no where to be except the liquor store or the flea market.

Oh man, I'm in a hateful mood tonight.

We have a recycling program in our town. The city actually has days established where they come around with a different garbage truck to collect your cans and plastic and shit. My neighbor, King of the Dreg, has a metric ton of fucking beer cans littering the walkway between our houses. My yard smells like rancid beer ass. Nothing annoys me more than smelling like beer first thing in the morning. Nothing ruins a perfect evening out with Mrs. Bastard than coming home to smell the Dreg's party keg in my backyard.

Since I'm ranting about licenses and shit: It should be legal to kill your neighbor if he is a bottom feeding wiener dog. I truly believe in my heart that I should be legally allowed to wrap my hands around his red neck until he stops moving. His kids are dumb, and ugly too.