The Bastard would like to kill all of you...you need it.
August 1999

Ok, enough of that crap. I could go on and on, but why bother? I'm sure you get the idea. Much thanks to ABC.com for the data. For more of this stuff click here. Yeah, so what if I copy and pasted most of it, I gave them credit. Shit...you can't please anyone these days!

Let me begin this rant with a bang (so to speak) and go on record saying, "All you fucking morons need to put down the guns and pick up a book!" When I was in school (late 80's & early 90's kids, I'm not that old) my biggest fear was getting a girl pregnant. (My alma mater, Kenwood High (go Big Blue!), was 3rd in the country in teen pregnancies during my senior year.) Luckily I managed to avoid that dire fate by being fat and unpopular. These days it doesn't matter who you are because a bullet doesn't care what you look like, or how fat and unpopular you are.

What kind of land do I live in where innocent people are arming themselves against armed crazy people? That sounds like a miniature version of the cold war. People wonder why I hate everything and why I'm so disgusted with people...THIS IS WHY! People, as a whole, are stupid. There isn't a day that goes by that some brainless fuck proves to me that evolution has stopped and devolution has begun. We are getting dumber and dumber as a whole and there is no way to stop it.

Violence is easily accepted in this country while (looking around cautiously...) sex isn't You have to be careful when saying (looking around again) sex, because you never know when some bible thumper is gonna gun you down in the street, claiming you are a pornographer. Violence is accepted and ENCOURAGED by many organized groups. Organized religion actually encouraged gay bashing, but they disguise it in fancy words. Many of these groups receive government funding, just because the government...is stupid like that.

Whomever coined the term "Cooler heads prevail" wasn't an American, or at least...he / she wasn't a NORMAL American. In this wonderful land it is customary to maim or destroy things that oppose you, it is part of our national heritage, the country was born from war. Everything about this country is about war and violence. A movie or TV show without violence is considered a chick flick. Admit it! You know I'm fucking right! You can turn on the TV at ANY given time and see a life being destroyed, but you have to pay extra AND wait until after 11pm to see two people creating life.

Originally I just stopped watching the news because it was nothing but BAD news. Then I realized that there is nothing good on TV, at all. (Except the Simpson's, and PBS. I can't get enough of that PBS! I tried to get a job there once, but they thought I was too dull) Every show I watched was crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, and more crap. It seemed like the only thing my TV was good for was being a place to put my lava lamp.

What the fuck is wrong with kids these days?! Everyday, for the past few months, I've heard about either 1) a school being closed because of a bomb threat or 2) a copycat killing spree or attempted killing spree. What the fuck!? When I was in high school, the best way to get back at people we hated was to start a rumour about them! (There was this one girl who was such a bitch! We started telling all the Freshmen that she likes to give head and have anal sex because she doesn't want to get pregnant. That year she had like 400 guys ask her to the prom! Tee hee) I say to these moron kids: If you have a fucking problem that you feel you need to kill everyone you know, then maybe it's time to go see the nice men in the white coats. Life is too short and too precious to be fucking around with! You are not God, hell you aren't even the Pope. I'd like to know what (if anything) is going through these fucking kids minds' when they figure out that they must kill the whole school. Are they just sitting at home one day, watching MTV's All Request Live and all of the sudden....POOF! They instantly realize that they must kill the entire senior class because Mr. Shippley gave them a "C-" on the history mid-term? Hello?! It's fucking high school?! It's not like it's war! In school you have 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances to get shit right! If you fuck it up the first time...try again. Damn it, people make me sick.

Look, I know it's in the Constitution that we have the right to bear arms and all that happy horse-shit, but NO WHERE does it say anything about shooting and killing anyone. (At least, the last time I checked it, it didn't say that) The purpose of the Constitution was to ensure that the new government wouldn't end up being a tyrant like the King of England was.

(Freedom is a good thing, I'm a big proponent of freedom, but some of you fucking weirdo's are taking things a little too far.)

Well, now...200 years later, things have changed. We no longer need the guns to protect ourselves from rampaging Indian tribes, or from oppressive Red Coats. We don't need the damn guns! Every country in the world that has some sort of gun control has fewer deaths than Baltimore City does in a year.

It starts at home. It starts with the parents. If you let the TV raise your kid, the kid will kill you in your sleep. Mom, Dad...take your damn kids to Chuck E. Cheese once in a while and give them each $10 to waste on video games. Eat a damn pizza, watch a damn animatronic show, and go the hell home and watch America's Funniest Damn Home Videos. Just do things with your children, make them understand that you are not the enemy...and that the damn TV is. Kids can't raise themselves, they require guidance, and if you don't give them guidance...they will go out and find guidance in the form of Gangs, Neo-Nazi's, and The Christian Coalition. Don't let your kids be raised by other people...your kids are YOUR DAMN KIDS! You are a parent now, put down the remote and the joint and be a GOOD parent.