About Obnoxious Bastard

You want to know about me? Wow...this is further than I get with most women. If you really want to know, here it goes.

I'm a 70's baby, raised on Saturday morning cartoons and Cap'n Crunch. I'm diverse, but you'll only ever get to see the twisted side of me. I often refer to myself as a renaissance man, but I'm always wrong. I like alot of things, but nothing holds my attention for very long. This week it's this website and house shopping, last week it was refinancing my car (never happened) and finding a new job (ditto).

I sing in the car...not the shower, I dance in the nude...not in public, I drive fast in the fast line...unlike everyone else, and I often have lengthy conversations with the Beanie Baby on top of my monitor. (It's Congo, if you must know, but I renamed him. I call him Chim-Chim. He and I like to hide in the trunk of my dad's car.)

When I'm alone, I like the Blues, B/W Photography, and rasslin', but for the love of Mike, don't tell anyone these things. When I'm in public I like loud, obnoxious music because it drives people away. I like a good, intelligent conversation once in a while, but for the most part I stay away from people because they scare me. I have a dry sense of humor and often times I find myself laughing alone. Like the time I got those jelly beans stuck in my ear...I laughed for hours.

With women, I like their hair long and their shorts short. Favorite feature on a chick: Eyes. (There ya go ladies, a guy who looks into your eyes, not just at your tits. We really do exist!)

Recipe for Fritz ala mode:

Mix one cup of Ghandi, two cups of Dilbert, a gallon of Dennis Leary in a Stormtrooper's helmet until thick. Add in a pinch of Charles Barkley, a slice of apple pie, and a bottle of Captain Morgan's Spice Rum. Let sit overnight then add a teaspoon of Eric Idle, a drop of Socrates, and a handful of Robin Hood. Heat at 98.6 degrees for 25 years, then add 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream. Serve in a hand grenade, pin the pin and hope for the best.

With me you either get a gentleman or a prick. There is no in between and it can change at the drop of a hat. My moods change like the breeze. Maybe if I can direct my anger here, I'll be a much more pleasant person in real life.

So there it is. That's me according to me. Of course other people will give you a different story, but what the hell do they know? Those that know me well, know that I am a great guy. Those who I've pissed off before they had a chance to really know me, think that I am a common bastard and I should be hung from the gallows. Screw them for being too uptight. Thanks for reading all the way down here...you must be as desperate as me.